The Place to Take a Humor Break
4-year-old: I baked you cookies. Me: Really? Awesome. 4: *hands me imaginary cookies* Me: Kids are an unending source of disappointment. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 10, 2014 Wife: Do you know what the best […]
I took my 4-year-old to a museum. Her favorite part was the sliding door at the entrance. Next time I’ll just take her to the grocery store. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 7, 2014 4-year-old: […]
Some days I’m blown away by how much my 4-year-old knows about the world. Other days I have to explain why she shouldn’t lick random people — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 6, 2014 4-year-old: Will […]
4-year-old: I said I wanted ice in my cup! Me: I put it in there an hour ago. It melted. 4: Things don’t just disappear! My sanity did. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 3, 2014 […]
My 2-year-old ran full-speed into a closed door, so, yes, I’m sure she’s mine. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 27, 2014 Me: *sits up in bed* What if Smokey Bear is the one who’s been […]
Me: In conclusion dinosaur tails prevented doggy style so T. rex had to do it missionary Him: Sir, place your order or leave the drive thru — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 15, 2014 Me: If […]
Sure, we have chemistry, honey. Your acidic personality dissolves my will to live. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 13, 2014 4-year-old: *slaps my face* Me: Ow! What was that for?! 4: It’s my secret handshake. […]
My recent Google searches: calories burned sitting calories burned chewing gum calories burned vigorously chewing gum pie recipes — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 12, 2014 2-year-old: *mumbles* Me: What did she say? 4-year-old: She said […]
4-year-old daughter: Dad, can I put nail polish on your fingers? Me: Do I look like a girl to you? 4: Me: 4: I’ll start with your pinkie — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 9, 2014 […]
4-year-old: There’s a green monster behind you! Me: I don’t see it 4: He’s invisible Me: How do you know he’s green? 4: I’m a scientist. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 27, 2014 4-year-old: Can […]