Unicorn Bites 12/22/13
A whale can ejaculate 38 pints of semen. Next time you have bad day, remember it was some scuba diver’s job to collect and measure orca jizz — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 22, […]
Year: 2013
Not Funny.
Everyone thinks they’re funny these days. Everyone thinks they’re comedians. I think I’ve given out a total of 5 Diploma’s in Comedy this year so I don’t understand why so many people are claiming to […]
Unicorn Bites 12/21/13
Thanks, lady at daycare who gave my 3-year-old a microphone for Christmas. Your anthrax is in the mail. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 21, 2013 Me: Santa is pretend, just like zombies […]
An Editor Writes . . .
AS A RESPECTED broadsheet newspaper editor, I can’t say how appalled I am at the News of the World’s hacking into Prince William’s personal mobile voicemail messages. It is simply outrageous the way the tabloid […]
Fun With MRIs
Many people go into panic mode when they think of getting an MRI. To them, it’s like being stuck in a locked coffin with a jackhammer being piped in. I have never had that problem. […]
My Impossible Christmas List
Each year, I make out my Christmas list and I say, “Don’t spend a lot on me. Just get me something special.” Well, in case anyone wondered what would be special to me, here is […]
Unicorn Bites 12/20/13
It turns out when my 1-year-old brushes her teeth she moves her head, not the brush. That explains why she gets dizzy and falls over. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 20, 2013 I […]
Christmas Around The World: They think we’re odd
SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK Ojenyunyat Sungwiyadeson honungradon nagwutut. Ojenyunyat osrasay! No, I didn’t position my fingers wrong on the keyboard. It doesn’t quite have the flow of “Merry Christmas”, but I’m told that’s the […]
Friday Humor Devotional
Dear Lord, please forgive me for my inebriated antics at our company Christmas party. I put on the Christmas stockings I bought for my kids claiming they were the latest holiday footwear then lied to […]