Unicorn Bites 12/29/13
Women are hard to read. The same polite smile can mean “I’m happy” or “I’m going to hit you with my car.” — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 29, 2013 My wife and kids […]
Women are hard to read. The same polite smile can mean “I’m happy” or “I’m going to hit you with my car.” — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 29, 2013 My wife and kids […]
An open letter to the grammar gurus who somehow managed to take a simple rule of possession (apostrophe possession—not demonic possession) and turn it into the most annoying grammar rule known to humankind. I give […]
I was minding my business, basking in my breathtaking brilliance while trying to figure out why the flashlight app needs to update. It’s a flashlight that has but one single purpose and that purpose is […]
Me: I’m a bad boy. Wife: If you mean you’re bad at being a boy, then yes. Me: Wife: What? You have more estrogen than a yogurt commercial — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December […]
What’s your superstition? For Matt and Katherine, it’s a lucky bobblehead. For Raymond and Amanda it’s… well…. let’s just say they didn’t think it through before inviting guests over. Click to watch this hilarious short […]
I’ve been told that I’m not perfect and frankly, that hurts. As someone who has righteously, strutted his way through life to the soundtrack of 70s funk, the very notion that I’m not a million […]
I hate going back to the office after a long vacation. Or a short vacation. Or no vacation. Seriously, fuck work. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 27, 2013 Me: I’m going to spelunk […]
Me: Where’s Ken? 3-year-old daughter: He broke up with Barbie. Then a T. rex ate him. I pity any boy who ever dates my little girl. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 26, 2013 […]
1. Why does Santa Claus use reindeer to pull his sleigh? Why doesn’t he use dogs, like everyone else up north? 2. Why does Princess Leia wear those dumb braids that make her look like […]