The Place to Take a Humor Break
Me: What did I tell you about being bad?! 4-year-old: Don’t leave any witnesses. I guess she does listen. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 10, 2014 Coworker: I don’t like chocolate or bacon. Me: Interesting. […]
4-year-old: Why am I not in your wedding pictures? Me: You were born 3 years later. 4: *cries because we didn’t invite her* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 10, 2014 Me: That lady is driving […]
4-year-old: There’s a shark in my closet. Me: He’d die without water 4: Then he’s a ghost shark Me: *stays the hell away from the closet* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 7, 2014 Therapist: Before […]
4-year-old: Why do you get sad when you get the mail? Me: It’s nothing but bills. 4: You should tell Bill to stop writing you letters. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 6, 2014 Girls posts […]
Me: Don’t drink soap! 4-year-old: But I want to fart bubbles. Who am I to stifle her dreams? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 5, 2014 4-year-old: Why’s he holding up his thumb? Me: He’s hitchhiking […]
4-year-old: Why does the dog pee on stuff? Me: It’s like writing his name on it. 4: So I- Me: YOU HAVE TO — USE PENCILS. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 3, 2014 I didn’t […]
4-year-old: What happens when you die? Me: You go to heaven. 4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 2, 2014 4-year-old: Dad? Me: What? I’m […]
4-year-old: Grown-ups can do what they want Me: Yup 4: Why don’t you eat pizza for every meal? Me: 4: Me:*takes a hard look at my life* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 2, 2014 4-year-old: […]
4-year-old: Are you smart? Me: Yes 4: Why did Mom say you’re not? Me: She didn’t like me cooking popcorn in the dryer as much as you did. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 30, 2014 […]
How to grow a ghost chili: 1) Grow a regular chili. 2) Murder it. This is why people unfollow me. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 29, 2014 My mom: Your brother got another promotion. Me: […]