Bad Artist #24, Resolutions
RESOLUTIONS HAIKU #1 I won’t eat any Lutefisk, mushrooms, and haggis No matter how tempted. RESOLUTIONS HAIKU #2 I hereby resolve Not to misplace my glasses More than once daily. – Paul R. De […]
Tag: ice cream
Why I’m Not a Foodie
I recently attended a dinner party thrown by a friend who fancies herself a gourmet chef. She’d prepared a lavish dinner for six and I was the first to finish eating because everybody else just […]
Unicorn Bites #524
4-year-old: Why am I not in your wedding pictures? Me: You were born 3 years later. 4: *cries because we didn’t invite her* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 10, 2014 Me: That lady is driving […]
Small Plates, Big Problems
I don’t know how it is where you people live, but lately dining out in Los Angeles has made me think that all the restaurants have banded together and decided I’m too fat and are […]
Stop Smelling The Sunshine and Watch TV
There’s a new phrase I’m hearing a lot lately, bandied about in conversations between seemingly normal people who couldn’t possibly be normal after uttering such a hideous, awful, pompous, annoying bullshit thing you can say […]
Ice Cubes and World Peace
Antarctic Entree ICE CUBES INGREDIENT water SPECIAL UTENSILS glacier pick axe Siberian husky panniers Van Gogh painting Twinkie monastery Porsche PREPARATION – If you live near a glacier. Take pick axe to glacier. Shatter a […]
Summer and Ice Cream
Spring has finally given Winter a well-earned kick in the groin and sent him flying back to the North Pole, where he will have to wait his turn to have fun with us again. Spring […]
The Horrors of Holiday Food
SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK People, we need to talk about holiday food. I know what you’re thinking: “The holidays are over! Don’t make us rehash holiday hash!” Yeah, well, these days you’re never far […]
Unicorn Bites 11/14/13
3-year-old: Daddy, I don’t want hair that looks like yours. Me: What does my hair look like? 3: Like stupid. She gets her tact from me. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 14, 2013 […]
Unicorn Bites 10/10/13
Bacon: because flavor is more important than living past 40 — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 10, 2013 “I scream! You scream! We all scream for ice cream!” But what you’ll get is a […]