Posts Tagged ‘ cleaning ’

Deep cleaning: is that even a thing?

April 17, 2017
By

Our son, James, has shown some disturbing qualities, and I blame my husband, Patrick, who has been his stepfather since 1991. Let me explain. The other day we were talking with James, and he mentioned…

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Nobody gets to drive this but me

September 16, 2016
By

I don’t like house chores at all, but my wife and I recently bought a new vacuum and I’ve since changed my attitude about carpet-cleaning duties. Let me break down the model we bought. First…

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Warning

March 31, 2016
By

Dear Toilet: You know how much I hate mopping floors. If you even HINT that you are going to overflow again and flood my bathroom floor and the adjacent hallway, I will not only rip…

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A Fun Fact

July 9, 2014
By

Lisa NewlinLisa is a humor writer who plays an unconvincing lawyer in year life. She prefers dogs to most people, and food over most everything. Her blog, http://lisanewlin.com will make you feel better about your…

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Keeping It Real

Keeping It Real

I bumped into an ex-girlfriend and we had a laugh, reminiscing about the surreal old days. I asked if she wanted to grab a coffee and she picked up her phone and logged on to…

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Unicorn Bites 2/16/14

February 16, 2014
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Unicorn Bites 2/16/14

Wife: *cleans like crazy* Me: Calm down. It’s my mom coming over, not the pope. *my mom walks in with the pope* Wife: Mother fucker… — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 16, 2014 My 1-year-old figured…

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I NEED A WHAT?

February 1, 2014
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I NEED A WHAT?

A colonoscopy. The scary “C” word. Something I have been putting off for awhile.  This is what you get for your birthday once you hit fifty. “Hey, happy birthday! Here’s your present—a gift wrapped colonoscopy!”…

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HO– USEWORK (Dedicated to Our Valiant Female Ancestors)

November 24, 2013
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Eve didn’t know how good she had it there in the Garden of Eden. She and Adam didn’t live in a house, so she never had to clean. They ate with their hands, so there…

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I’ve Got the Housework Blues

August 14, 2013
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I’ve Got the Housework Blues

Ever since the first humans learned to walk upright, housework has been relegated to women. While the men were out hunting, fighting the tribe from the other side of the hill, getting themselves killed and…

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When Parents Visit

April 11, 2013
By
When Parents Visit

  This week, I was lucky enough to have my parents visit us. It has been a long time since they made the treks, so I wanted everything to be perfect.  It’s funny about parents.…

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