Unicorn Bites #518
4-year-old: Why does the dog pee on stuff? Me: It’s like writing his name on it. 4: So I- Me: YOU HAVE TO — USE PENCILS. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 3, 2014 I didn’t […]
Tag: beer
Chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool.
We couldn’t find our imaginary son. We looked everywhere and no joy. Turns out he was chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool in the last place we expected. How Thirsty Dave got a beer out […]
Belgian Apple Fritters and World Peace
Belgian Dessert APPLE FRITTERS INGREDIENTS 2⅓ cups flour 16 ounces beer 5 large apples 4 cups vegetable oil (or enough to cover apple slices) ½ cup confectionery sugar 1 tablespoon lemon juice SPECIAL UTENSIL electric […]
Unicorn Bites 7/9/14
Boss: How long were you in the bathroom? Me: Not long. Boss: The motion-sensing lights shut off on you. Me: I noticed that when I woke up — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 9, 2014 What […]
My Favorites for the World Cup Semifinals
Brazil over Germany. I’m feeling very hemispheric right. I’m also upset about the vicious tackle that took out a Brazilian star. I didn’t see it, but still. I just got reminded how West Germany and Austria […]
What’s really in your Budweiser?
As someone who lives in St. Louis, home of Anheiser Busch, I’m quite the beer drinker. In all honesty, the two are not necessarily related. I would drink beer regardless of where I reside, but […]
Unicorn Bites 5/17/14
If you still think having kids is a good idea, today my 2-year-old threw a fit because her Velcro is too loud. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 17, 2014 I stopped caring about fashion when […]
Personal Hygiene Products – Men and Women
They don’t call me MacGyver and that’s because I’m not good with my hands. Give me a glove and I’ll know what to do with it but ask me to fix the flux capacitor and […]
Unicorn Bites 4/23/14
Me: Can I have some of your candy? 3-year-old: Can I have some of your beer? Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: Deal. Wife: NO! — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 23, 2014 Teenager: How fast were […]