The Place to Take a Humor Break
Saudi Entree AL KABSA (Chicken and rice) INGREDIENTS 3 pounds chicken breasts (or other parts) 2 carrots 5 garlic cloves 2 medium onions 3 Roma tomatoes 4 tablespoons butter 1/2 cup tomato puree 2 ½ […]
American Soup BEAN AND BACON SOUP INGREDIENTS 1 pound dry navy beans (4 cups) 4 cups water 1 pound bacon 1 medium carrot 1 celery stalk 1 yellow onion 1 garlic clove 1 pound tomatoes […]
Jesus: Go forth. You are now fishers of men. Peter: *harpoons a guy* Jesus: Too literal, bro. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 26, 2014 Sure, random teenager, you have swag, but only if “swag” means […]
3-year-old: *hands me a plastic stegosaurus* "Here’s an extra one. Just in case." I don’t know what’s about to happen, but I’m terrified. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 7, 2014 3-year-old: Daddy, I […]
The other day I was in a store, looking for a carry-on item. You know, those tiny tubes of stuff sold at inflated prices that are allowable on airplane flights. Someday we’re gonna find out […]
Me: "Let’s go. I’ve got the kid buckled up." Wife: "You mean 'kids,' plural, right?" Me: "I’ll be right back." — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 4, 2013 My boss asked me to […]
Me: "Sex?" Wife: "Sure. Just let me finish this book first." *turns to page 2 of “Game of Thrones”* — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 28, 2013 He liked being 29 because that […]
Me: Let’s go to a photographer 3: I’m scared of tigers M: I said "photographer." He takes pictures 3: Don't let a tiger take my picture — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 21, 2013 […]
Dear beer, Thanks for last night. I had such an amazing time with you and your friends. You were incredible. I’m sorry I initially resisted the urge to see you, but deep down I knew […]
My 1 y.o. threw a fit in front of the fridge. I nudged her aside w/ my foot so I could get a beer. That concludes my parenting for the day. — James Breakwell, Exploding […]