Bacon & Chocolate’s Concession Speech
Dear Americans, The voters have spoken. Ms. Clinton won the majority of the vote. Mr. Trump won the majority of the electoral votes. He will be our nation’s next president. We wish him well and […]
Tag: election
Trump Aversion Therapy Bill Passed by House
In an unusual show of unity, House Republicans joined House Democrats to pass the “TAT” Bill (421-2), allocating 300 million dollars towards the rehabilitation of Trump supporters using the controversial Trump Aversion Therapy technique. Details […]
Humor Meets Horror – 7 More real things to fear this Halloween
Last year I published a blog post about seven real things to fear on Halloween. I’ve been thinking about what makes my dry skin crawl this year, and uncovered seven more real things to fear as we celebrate the spookiest day of the […]
Humor Meets Horror – Presidential debate gets ugly, not in good way
By Werewolf Blitzer Staff Pol-“IT”-ical Writer They all shook hands and/or claws before the debate last night, and then the five remaining candidates running for Transyl-vein-ia President got to it. Transyl-vein-ians were disgusted. As in […]
A Trumped Up Presidential Race
Since the Republican debates began, I’ve been strangling my sofa pillow in shock and frustration. I’ve watched Presidential Psycho and checked into The Debates Motel. Leave your sanity and decorum at the door. Don’t […]
Bacon & Chocolate Party Wants You to Head Your Own Federal Department
How often has this happened to you? You: Gah! I wish we had enough money to buy yogurt-covered pretzels. Spouse: We can’t. You have a lousy job. You: I wish I could find a better […]
TRUMP VOWS TO AVENGE WISCONSIN PRIMARY LOSS; GOVERNOR AGREES
ALLENTOWN, PA—After nearly being shut out of the Wisconsin primary, and losing all but 6 of its delegates to opponent Ted Cruz, Donald Trump vowed to avenge his loss by waterboarding all those “fat, disgusting […]
My Presidential Candidacy
I could never run for president: too many skeletons in the closet. I’m a thieving, crime breaking, citizen who could never survive being vetted. I sample the grapes before paying for them. I am a […]
What is really going on in the American political spectrum?
Never in all my days have I seen such low brow, common denominator entertainment in my life. This makes wrestling look legitimate and we all know its staged. Every day now there is some nominee […]
Dental Visit Delays Bacon & Chocolate Party’s Iowa Caucus Results
Hi! Bacon & Chocolate Party’s top election official here. I was at the dentist all day and am in no mood to count the huge amount of votes. I am however pleased to report high […]