Song Parody: “Video Games” by Mama Del Roy
Video Games Lyrics by Mama Del Roy Music by Lana Del Rey You haven’t seen our backyard Don’t make me stop this car Callin’ out my name “Mom get me a root beer, bring […]
Tag: parenting
Unicorn Bites 9/1/14
A bikini model whose job is to be 99% naked had nude pics leaked? Whatever. I didn’t know for sure she had nipples, but I kind of assumed. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 1, 2014 […]
Unicorn Bites 8/12/14
My recent Google searches: calories burned sitting calories burned chewing gum calories burned vigorously chewing gum pie recipes — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 12, 2014 2-year-old: *mumbles* Me: What did she say? 4-year-old: She said […]
Unicorn Bites 5/27/14
Me: Why are you sitting funny? 4-year-old: I have pinecones in my pants. Me: The key to parenting is not asking follow-up questions. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 27, 2014 Me: Watch out for cars. […]
Unicorn Bites 4/28/14
My 1-year-old thinks her name is “Go watch TV,” so, yes, I’d say I’m a good parent. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 28, 2014 Me: That milk came from a cow. 3-year-old: What animal did […]
Good Parent/Bad Parent
One of the best ways to mitigate emotional pain is to laugh at it. I present this with that in mind. So much humor writing revolves around parenting that someone like me, who never had […]
Unicorn Bites 3/16/14
3-year-old: Daddy, are you stronger than a gorilla? Me: Is there one here? 3: No. Me: Then yes. Absolutely yes. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 16, 2014 3-year-old: What happens if my brain falls out? […]
Unicorn Bites 3/7/14
If your boyfriend says he’d catch a grenade for you, don’t be flattered. Clearly he’d rather die than stay in that relationship. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 7, 2014 Me: *splashes warm water on face* […]
Unicorn Bites 2/22/14
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 22, 2014 Me: Sex? […]
Unicorn Bites 1/12/14
Wife: Did you eat all the Girl Scout cookies? Me: No W: The box is empty M: W: You have like 4 cookies in your mouth M: I want a lawyer — James Breakwell, Exploding […]