Unicorn Bites 5/12/14
Wife: Hey, baby, want to get dirty? Me: Yes! *spends two hours planting flowers* Marriage is a trap. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 12, 2014 When my wife asks me something and I wasn’t listening, […]
Tag: humoroutcasts
Author Paul R. De Lancey My Writing Process – Blog Tour
Author Paul R. De Lancey My Writing Process – Blog Tour May 12, 2014 My name is Paul R. De Lancey. It has been that way since birth. Today is my day to participate in […]
Unicorn Bites 5/11/14
3-year-old: MY FINGERS ARE TURNING INTO OLD PEOPLE! I left her in the bathtub too long. Childhood is terrifying. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 12, 2014 “I want a man who loves me for my […]
Unicorn Bites 5/9/14
Wife: Want sex? Me: Yes. I don’t know what you’ve done with my wife, but never bring her back. And that’s how you blow a sure thing. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 9, 2014 My […]
Friday Humor Devotional
Dear Lord, let it be known to my children, if they make me a macaroni necklace, handmade card or call and sing, Happy Mother’s Day to the tune of Happy Birthday . . . I […]
Unicorn Bites 5/8/14
Priest: Do you take her until death do you part? Me: Unless she poops with the door open Priest: Me Priest: Me: Priest: Well obviously — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 8, 2014 Me: You look […]
Unicorn Bites 5/7/14
Dorothy from “The Wizard of Oz” taught kids it’s OK to kill two women as long as they’re ugly and no one likes them. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 7, 2014 I ate a whole […]
Unicorn Bites 5/6/14
I don’t always slam on my brakes, but when I do, it’s because some asshole is driving a Crown Victoria that looks like a cop car. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 6, 2014 It’s such […]