Bad Artist #23, Christmas
CHRISTMAS HAIKU #1 I will always know Why this day is so special. Thank you, Jesus. CHRISTMAS HAIKU #2 Didn’t shop Walmart. Christmas lights up for next year. I must have been good. – […]
Tag: walmart
Starbucks and Walmart Plan to Open Stores on Earth-Like Planet
As the number of potential store locations around the world continues to diminish, retailers Starbucks and Walmart have drawn up secret plans to expand on a recently discovered Earth-like planet. Astronomers found the planet orbiting […]
Tex Mex T Rex
Cretaceous Entree TEX MEX T REX INGREDIENTS 1 medium tyrannosaurus rex 300 garlic cloves 1,500 medium yellow onions 2,999 jars (18 ounces) barbecue sauce 1 15 ounce bottle organic ketchup 200 pounds chili powder 100 […]
WalMart math
I’d rather eat my own spleen than make a trip to WalMart. Like most of my fellow Americans, I dislike it so much because of the weirdos there (present company excluded) and the fact that […]
Hollywood Doesn’t Noah Any Better
Many people in the religious community are up in arms about the film Noah claiming it is full of inaccuracies. I find it amusing they have reached this conclusion from only seeing the trailer since […]
Unicorn Bites 3/23/14
3-year-old daughter: I have 2 boyfriends Me: No, you have 2 friends who are boys 3: I’ll marry them Good luck doing that from the convent — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 23, 2014 I sent […]
My Happy Place
Back in the day, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, Sugartastic Daddy John, Thirsty Dave and I were single, non-attached entities. We would scour the streets, looking for women who might look on us with pity […]
Unicorn Bites 11/13/13
3-year-old: Why did you stop? Me: B/c the car in front of us stopped 3: You can drive over them I’m not letting her drive until she’s 30. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November […]
A Wal-Mart Thanksgiving
In an effort to thin out the Black Friday riots, big national chain stores are planning again to start on Thanksgiving Day instead. Wal-Mart is even going to launch the madness two hours earlier than […]
I Like What?
Did you know that people who fail to close the lid on the toilet seat don’t go to hell? Nope, they bypass that step, get reincarnated, and then land jobs in advertising. But they get […]